Why Won’t He Have Sex With Me?

Okay, so you see this attractive guy. You have visions of sugarplums dancing in your head. You have planned a whole wedding out too.

Then you give your best hair flip and bat all of those lash extensions, but you still don’t get his full attention. When you do, he seems preoccupied with his phone and just half-heartedly takes your number.

Then it comes time to hang out  together on your first outing. The outing was just okay in general, nothing memorable. The conversation was bland, almost non-existent. Finally, came the big moment at the end of the date, the kiss.

He let you out the car and walked you to the door. He gave you a hug and then walked away. You think, “WTH”?!

A couple of days pass, and you get a text from the “Date Guy.” He makes small talk and surprisingly, he asks you if you want to hang out again. With a small amount of hope, you say yes, praying that he shows some indication that he’s in to you.

The repeat of the last date occurs: small talk but no real connection, including no kiss or any real form of physical affection. You question yourself, asking, “What is going on? Why doesn’t he want to sleep with me?”

Here are some tips that might shed some light on what may be going in these type situations:

1. Life Is Hectic – Let’s face it, life hasn’t been exactly great lately. With so much going on, sex might be the last thing on his mind. Pressures from a job or not having a job, COVID-19, family, and friends may be a lot for him right now. When your mental state is focused on something else, libido is something that lacks.
2. Alcohol Abuse – Some men may be functional alcoholics, so you may miss the signs of his addiction. This can definitely affect his sex drive. Pay attention to how much he drinks when you’re together or ask him how often he drinks if you suspect he has an issue with alcohol.
3. He May Have Erectile Dysfunction or Low Testosterone – Males, young and old, can experience a condition called hypogonadism, according to the Mayo Clinic. It can affect the body in many ways, including the hair, bone density, and libido. One study found that about 28% of men (average age 47) with low testosterone had low libido. Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT) is one of the treatments for it.
4. He Is Just Not That Into You – As bad as it sounds, maybe he just doesn’t want to be with you like that. He may view you as just a platonic friend and like to hang out with you for your company. He may just value your friendship but not see it as anything more.

In addition, there are a number of other things that may prevent him from wanting to sleep with you. He may just want to respect you. He might need to regroup after a serious life matter.

At the end of the day, if you enjoy hanging out him, just go with it. Don’t expect anything and learn to embrace what it is rather than what isn’t.  In time, you’ll discover if the issue is him, you or there is no issue at all except timing.