Why Setting Goals Don’t Work
By: Estra Roell
Setting goals don’t work. Okay, that’s a pretty bold statement. We’re taught to set goals. Goals arise from our desires and give us a direction and a destination.
The question is, why do so many people fail at achieving their goals? When I was in direct sales, I was taught to aim high so that my goal was exciting to think about. I was taught that if it didn’t make me want to throw up, it wasn’t big enough. We were asked to share our goals so we would feel accountable to reaching them and therefore take action on them. So, I set them and shared them. Most of the time I didn’t even come close to meeting them. It was humiliating. Was there something wrong with me? Was I not working hard enough or being fearless enough? Did my presentation need work or did I need to completely overhaul it? I was doing what they said, so what was wrong?
I got to the point where I didn’t want to even bother setting goals. Why should I when I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to reach them? I began to keep them smaller, but the whole thing became an empty exercise, a waste of my time. It all felt awful.
The more awful it felt, the less I wanted to take action and the more I lost confidence in my ability to succeed. The more I lost confidence, the less I was able to perform or take any joy in what I was doing. So, I kept not reaching my goals, a vicious cycle.
The other thing I was taught was to stay positive and to repeat positive affirmations. I did that, but it actually backfired. I felt worse. I just didn’t believe the positive statements, and that was the key right there.
What I really believed was that I was not good at business and sales. I believed I couldn’t make money. I believed in the product and the company, but not in myself.
Now, I think affirmations are great. I use them, but if you say them when you’re already feeling bad, they will come back to bite you. They just make you feel worse. It all comes back to what you believe about yourself, what you think you deserve, and your ability to succeed.
So, what do you do?
A man named Noah St. John speaks about using the process of “afformations.” Afformations are simply a process of asking yourself better questions that allow you to align with the results you want.
When we ask questions, our brains go to work immediately to seek answers. If you don’t believe in yourself, you are probably asking questions like: “What is wrong with me?” “Why do I always fail?” “Why am I so broke?” “How come I never get ahead?” You draw erroneous conclusions like, “I’m not good enough,” or “Other people do this better than me.” These are dis-empowering questions that you may not even be aware that you have running in your head. Your actions will reflect that. They will be tentative or fearful. You may not take action at all.
Afformations are empowering questions that assume what we want is already accomplished. For example:
- Why do I keep getting all these great referrals?
- How did I become so successful?
- How do I keep getting all these free movie passes?
- Why do I have such a happy life?
- Why do I lose weight so easily?
- Why am I so rich?
- How did I attract the most loving, wonderful partner into my life?
You can see that when your brain goes to work to answer these questions, it is much more empowering. You will be open to inspired ideas. Your outer reality is a reflection of your inner being.
Get a clear understanding of what you really want in all areas of your life: business or career, relationships, health and fitness, play, spiritual connection, environment, finances, and so on. Write it all down. Be specific. This creates your goals.
Then, create the afformations that allow you to let them in to believe in yourself. Read them, say them out loud, listen to them and allow yourself to gently bask in the good feelings.
Now, you are focused on what you have rather than on what you lack. We know from the Law of Attraction where we place our energy, focus, and attention is what we attract into our lives. Notice if you have any new exciting ideas or opportunities show up for you, and if so, act on them.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Estra Roell is a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, certified Life Purpose Coach, Advanced PSYCH-K facilitator and Happiness Generator Facilitator. She’s known as America’s Life Purpose Coach™. Estra helps clients get in touch with their passions and purpose and assists them to uncover and remove any blockages or old patterns that may be holding them back from living a life of joy, purpose and abundance. Estra is also a co-author of the books “101 Great Ways to Enhance Your Career” and “How to Create a Rich, Successful and Fulfilling Life.” Visit her website at America’s Life Purpose Coach to receive her free report on “Visioning Your Purpose and Heading Toward it Today” or join her Facebook Group.