When It Is Really Him and Not You

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By Chanel Omari


He tells you that you need to change and regularly reminds you of your shortcomings. Meanwhile, he hasn’t mentioned word about the times he is MIA, inconsiderate and downright mean.

We’ve all had that moment when someone says something mean, and we end up feeling small, angry or hurt. The other person will inevitably say: It’s not about you. Don’t take it personally. Still, you walk away feeling that you’re in adequate, but the truth is that the person may be deflecting. This essentially means that it is a mental trick! You’re not the problem, but you’re being made to feel like you are so the other person can keep getting what he wants.

Here are some signs to know it’s not you, it’s him:

You Feel Judged – Because your partner is judging you. He may be belittling the kind of work you do, who you hang out with, the way you speak, how you look or dress. And it’s all bloody wrong. If your partner is in it for the long run, they should love who you naturally are. Don’t change yourself, change partners!

Not Going to Marry Until… – Yep, he went there! I had a friend whose fiancée had the nerve to belittle her and demand that he ‘would only marry her if she could fit in the dress.’ Well guess what? There are plus sized dresses out there and plenty of men that love women with curves and now she’s engaged again.

You Both Bring Out the Worst in Each Other – You used to feel happy, motivated, adoring, a lover of life, social and all around lovely. Now you’re bitter, worried, feel paranoid, and abused. Time to evaluate if this is something you’ve done in past relationships or maybe he is the one torturing your otherwise beautiful happy soul.

He Makes You Compete for His Affection – He still tries to seduce other women to feel desired without ‘acting upon it.’ He needs female attention and his eyes do a little more than wander. Maybe your self-esteem would hit the sky if you were around a person that though YOU were always the most beautiful one in the room.

You’re Not a Priority – It doesn’t matter the occasion, he always finds a way to justify his lack of interest in including you or prioritizing you in his life. Soccer, Basket, drinks with friends, clubbing, sleeping. It all comes before you, even when you specifically ask him to attend that boring family gathering of yours. NEXT!

You Just Can’t Get to Him – You’re not so shiny knight seems to need to polish his not so shiny armor because he resembles a toad more than a prince. Truth is, it shouldn’t be so hard to get some feedback from him. Even if he’s busy, he should be able to give a response. Communication is key and if it’s missing, ditch that toad!

There’s No Trust – If your gut feeling is telling you that this person is not worth trusting, there’s something there honey. Not listening to your gut is what makes or breaks any situation. You’re an adult. No trust, no love.

Liar, Liar Relationship on Fire – He lies and you know it. And he knows you know it. White lies now and then are okay. “Do I look fat in this dress?” -“No, you look skinnier in that dress.” That’s fine, but if he lies about things that matter, then you’re better off alone or with someone who has the balls to be direct and real. Again, be an adult.


About Chanel Omari
TV personality and reality star and now, radio host of 106.1 WBLI, a top 40 radio station in New York, which is also part of IHEARTRADIO MEDIA and has over a million listeners daily, Chanel Omari has come a long way in 30 years. After earning her bachelor’s degree in Broadcast Journalism & Communications at Northeastern University, Omari worked in television production, writing, producing and reporting for nearly a decade. Over the last ten years, Chanel worked for industry heavy-hitters including Donny Deutsch, Maury Povich, Bill Cunningham and Anderson Cooper.

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